It's Friday!!

Okay, so the week has gone by especially slow and there isn't really a whole lot to do in the office. To compound the speed of this week (or lack thereof), Arthur isn't in the office...today or yesterday! In any case, I just wanted to say that I'm super glad it's Friday. Until recently, I hadn't noticed that today is the last work day of the year! There's so much to do that it's not funny. (Not at work, at home.)

Tonight, I'm probably going out with Jenn. I think we're doing dinner. We'll see. As for this weekend, I'm not sure what's going on. I know I want to do something fun, but I'm not sure what that entails. I asked Jake what he was doing, and he said that he'll probably hit some bar up that's got a tropical themed party going on or something like that. He also mentioned that he was going to be "toe up from the flo' up." Hopefully, that's not what Jenn has in mind. Again, we'll see. I don't mind being the DD or anything like that, but I'm thinking that I don't want to be drunk or tipsy or anything that might impair my judgement. (Sorry if it sound like I'll be a bore...) It just doesn't sound like there's too much to do around here. I'm not a big party-er or a big drinker...what's left? I thought a nice dinner would be good, but I'd really like to do something other than what I normally do - cook and eat with a couple of married people. Not really my idea of fun, you know what I mean?

Anyway, Monday is a holiday and I'm looking forward to some time off again. There's this book that I've been reading, and I'm hoping that it'll turn out to be good. I like it so far, and even if it doesn't turn out to be a good one, that's okay because it only cost me a dollar. :)

Okay, that's all for now. I'll probably blog before I leave the office today. If I don't, Happy New Year and be safe y'all!

Wednesday Morning...

Okay, so it's nearly the afternoon, and I think it's important to say that this day is dragging on by. I'm getting a little hungry, so I know that it's almost noon, but I thought I'd blog first.

I was thinking, as I often do, and I've decided that this crush of mine is probably going to be just a crush. I really like Arthur, but I don't really see it going anywhere. Does that make sense? Besides that, I don't think he thinks of me in anything other than the co-worker relationship we share.

Furthermore, I spent part of my morning reading the bits that I've entered, and they've been a little narrow in scope. There is so much more that goes on in my life that I thought I should include them rather than let my entries focus too much on Arthur.

So, on to other things: Last night, Dora and I went for a walk. It was supposed to be the first of many walks, so I was only supposed to start out with a half an hour in mind. That was the plan: one half hour of walking at which time I would come home, put Dora in her kennel, pop in the Pilates DVD, and go for another workout. It's funny that life doesn't work the way you plan it to work. Dora and I stayed out for two hours and by the time I was home, I had big blisters under my feet and my ankle, and I was too sore to think about another work out. Dora was pooped and she went to take a nap in her crate while I made us our dinner.

Then, waking up this morning was fun. I actually got up and was ready to get going, but my legs were pretty sore. A little muscle ache never hurt anyone, so I think we'll go for another walk tonight. This time, I'll keep it to a half an hour or so. :)

Merry Christmas and Stuff...

So, the Christmas holiday has passed, and it wasn't a big deal or anything, but I had a great time. I went with my friend, Jenn, to her family's house in Kearny, NE. (That's pronounced, Car-nee) Anyway, it was a blast. Her family is crazy - just like mine - so I didn't have any problems fitting in. I was proud of the role of babysitter as I had forgotten about what it was like to have little ones around. It was fun.

We left on Saturday morning and returned on Sunday evening. It wasn't a long visit, but it was a good visit. We had dinner with Rob, Ka`ai, Calli, and Alan on Christmas night, and Jenn came along too. On the drive back to Omaha, it was really nice because we got to talking about all sorts of stuff. Oh, and we decided that we really like number seven on the Carrie Underwood CD. If you have it, listen to it...if you don't, find someone who does and then listen to it.

I got to sleep over Calli and Alan's house on Sunday night because Al and I were going to go to the bookstore on Monday. (And we did.) So, we go to the bookstore and then we head over to IHOP for a bite before going home again. Then, while we're eating, Al says, "So, when are you going to make a move on Arthur?" I thought it was totally hillarious because Jenn, Calli, my mom, and my sister are asking the same thing! So, I told Al, "Oh, no...not you, too!" He said that he just wants me to be happy and that liking Arthur has made me happy lately. I said thanks and that it makes me feel good to know he cares so much. Then, the shock of shocks happened...Kory called me. I missed the call because I was eating with Al, but he left a message. He just wanted to wish me a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year and hoped that I was doing well. The really nice thing about it all is that I know just how well I'm doing!

No, I'm not rolling in the dough or anything like that, but I feel like my life is a lot richer this year than in years past. For example, I have family all over the place - there's Pua in California, all the family in Hawai`i, Jenn, Rob and Ka`ai, Calli and Al, and now Jenn's family in Kearny, too! I am truly a blessed person to know that I have such good things around me.

Anyway, that's all I have for now. Still totally "ga-ga" over Arthur, but that's okay. Oh, and while I made a big "OOPS" last Thursday - our bar night - I'm really happy to say that Jake hasn't said anything to make me thing that he will say anything...and he hasn't done anything that would make me believe my secret is in jeopardy. Yay! All right, well, leave a comment if you like, but for a Tuesday morning with little to do, I'm thinking it'll be a pretty good day!

One And A Half Hours And Counting!

So, it's nearly 1:30 on Thursday afternoon, and my co-worker, Jeanean, and I are planning to head out of the office at 3pm for our little afterwork get together. I must say that I think I'm rather cute today. I've straightened my hair, got my awesome Seven7's on, and a fleece sweater from Old Navy. (One of the three things I got when I was with you, Pua.) Yes, the make-up is did, and the only downside of this all is that I stayed up way too late making everyone's cookies for Christmas.

I was up till about 3 am and woke up to get ready for work at about 6 or 6:30. I've had a Red Bull and it worked for a while, but now, I'm all jittery. I even ate lunch and still I feel the palpatations and crap. Oh well, it's a sign and a lesson learned: no more Red Bull for Maka. :)

I'm super excited because I feel like things will be fun tonight. I just want to have fun with people who are different from those that I'm usually hanging with. Does that make sense? We'll see how tonight goes and if it goes well, maybe it can happen again.

Anyway, that's all for now...just a quick update before I take off...I'll definitely have more on this tomorrow! Wish me luck! :)

Randomness

Do you ever think about all those missed opportunities? How do you overcome the thought that something might have been or could have been if only you'd taken the chance? I'm so afraid that I'll miss some opportunity that I'm almost stricken with fear.

Just think of all the missed opportunities that have passed by. How do you get on? Well, for me, I don't want to spend my life waiting for something to happen, so the only answer is to get up and move, right? I know this is going to sound cheesy, but Carrie Underwood's new CD has a great song on it for all those people who are tired of waiting for things to happen. It's called Wasted and I think if you get the chance, listen to it. Now, I'm not a fan of country music, but this song has inspired me somewhat.

Anyway, that's my thought. That and the idea that a life of regret is a life not truly lived. "I don't want to spend my life jaded, waiting, to wake up one day and find that I've let all these years go by...wasted..."

Wednesday Night

Well, I had hoped to have cookies made, but it wasn't a good night for it on Monday, so tonight is all about the cookies! I think I'm making several batches of different kinds of cookies. My cousin gave me a recipie for some spice cookies that look good, so I think I'll try that, too. We'll see what happens. Jenn is coming over to Rob and Ka`ai's house. Normally, I would just do it at my house, but Ka`ai wants to make cookies, too, so I said I'd bring my stuff over so that we could all make cookies. I've got to go and pick up some butter, eggs, sugar, and vanilla extract - plus whatever ingredients are needed for the spice cookies. I'm excited. I figured, if I can make six different kinds of cookies, everyone can get two of each for a nice dozen. Does that make sense?

It's rather quiet in the office today. Arthur is out in Indiana today. He had to go on a company errand which required him to be in Indiana to get a truck and drive it all the way back to Omaha. Oh well. I asked him if he was sure that he would be back by Thursday, and he said, "Oh, I'll be back for Thursday - you don't have to worry about that." (Yay!) And it's not so much what he said as how he said it. You know what I mean? So, hopefully, he'll be back by tonight and be in the office tomorrow. I even gave him some jelly beans for his drive back. I hope he took them with him and didn't leave them here. Oh well.

Oh, and the reason that I wanted to make sure that he was back for tomorrow is because we're supposed to be going out after work. No, not just Arthur and me, but all of our co-workers. It should be a fun outting - especially since word's gotten out that I've not partied before and stuff. Anyway, that's why I want to make sure that he'll be back here tomorrow.

Other than that, there isn't anything else going on. Dora performed well with protection work last night. She was far too excited to do any obedience training, but Rob said that she did an excellent job with her protection work. He said that she has a nice, deep bite, and when she re-grips, she naturally takes the bite all the way to the back of her mouth. He also said that her grip is really good. For example, the way in which we make a dog "out" an object is to grab their collar and lift them straight up. This makes the dog uncomfortable and the dog will automatically "out" whatever is in his or her mouth. With Dora, last night, she was biting a bite pillow. I grabbed her by her collar and held her straight up for about two minutes. Usually, she'd drop it because there's only so much air that she can get, but she held on so tight that I had to pull her up by her pinch collar. Even then, it took a minute or so for her to let it go. I guess she was really into the protection work last night. (She should be because she hadn't had a bite for about three weeks so far.) The next step is to start tracking. Pua - that's an exercise where we lay a track (stomping our feet in the ground and laying some food in various parts of the track we're creating) and the dog has to pick up on our scent, follow the track, lie down whenever there's an article in the track (for advanced dogs, we use articles), and find the article at the end of the track where the dog has to lie down with the object between his/her feet.

So, that's how yesterday went. Monday turned out to be a good night for Jenn and I to hang out. We kept reciting lines from The 40 Year Old Virgin and it was too funny for the two of us. Anyway, tonight is cookie night and tomorrow is bar night. Wish me luck with cookies tonight and with Arthur tomorrow night!

This Past Weekend...Up To Today

Well, there wasn't anything major that happened. I watched The 40 Year Old Virgin too many times, I cleaned my apartment, and I went to Schutzhund training on Sunday morning.

Can I just say that I've got great friends and an awesome (albeit dysfunctional) family? I finally got to talk to my sister the other night - which hasn't happened for a while because, well, a couple of things: 1) she has a new boyfriend which monopolizes a lot of her free time, and 2) she got sick and was told not to talk. Now, this second thing that happened to her is actually very funny to me. If you know anything about my sister, you know that she's not one for shutting up. She's pretty talkative and can go a mile a minute. So, having to keep totally quiet is just too funny and cruel a punishment for her.

Anyway, enough about that. On Saturday, I cleaned. My friend came over and said that she wanted to clean my house with me, so I said "Okay." Normally, I would have been mortified, but if I didn't have any kind of help, I think I would have become overwhelmed and just stopped. It was way better that there was help because I began to unpack and all that good stuff and my apartment actually looks decent! (Even though I don't have any furniture.)

Then, there's Sunday with dog training. Dora was actually performing well yesterday. Morgan - Roger's son and member of our Schutzhund club - and I will be getting together every Tuesday and Thursday night for extra training. I want Dora to start advancing. I asked him whether or not I was being too hard on her and expecting too much, and he said that I wasn't. He's acutally a great trainer. He's patient and he keeps at it. I think I can learn a lot from him if I apply myself and really start to work with her. He said, too, that since she's still in heat that she'll be useless and a huge space cadet until it's over, so I should be patient. Tomorrow is our first session. We'll see how it goes. He was working with her yesterday, and already I saw great changes in her. I'm super excited to see what she can do. I'd also like to start her on her tracking, too. We'll see what Morgan says.

Tonight is all about the cookies! I'll be baking and hopefully I can come up with about 10 dozen cookies or so. We'll see what happens tonight.

Anyway, that's all for now...

Response For Reid

Okay, my greatest of friends, here goes:

First - you have to learn to differentiate between loving her and being in love with her. Of course there's love there. She's been part of your life for how many years? Do I love Kory any less because of what I've been through or who he's become? No, not really. Can that person be a part of my life now that I've decided that I need to change? No, not really. I will always love Kory for who he was and what we've shared, but that time has come and gone, and I am worth so much more! It's simple, and it's complicated, but the truth of it all is this: it's going to suck for a while to come and the more you let her come back to you, the longer it will suck. I've got it easy: I don't have a Ryen. You two, for the sake of your son, have to be amicable, but that doesn't mean that she should ask you to help her find the closure that you were working so hard to achieve! God, I could wring her neck and watch her squirm for the pain she's causing you!

Second: Don't worry about focusing on the bad so much. It's normal to focus on the bad when that's at the front of your mind. I think that I focus on the good because the bad can be so overwhelming, and I don't want to face it all at once...so I have to break it up with this and that - just to bring some balance.

Reid, you're a great person. Don't let this messed up thing that is your and Renell's relationship ruin what you might truly believe a relationship can be. I know that love isn't perfect. I know that you're bound to hurt now more than before, but I also know that you are a great individual. After all, I don't think our friendship would have endured all the years and break-ups if you weren't steady and strong. Yeah, life can get down on you, and yeah, shit happens, but you're better than all those things that come at you because you can survive them.

And just for good measure: always defer to the Golden Rule: Treat others as you would like to be treated. What's good for the gander is good for the goose, you know what I mean? If she couldn't do for you, then there's no reason in the world that you should be asked to take steps back in order to help her out. Yeah, helping people is great, but you're no use to anyone if you're not around...get what I mean?

Everytime I think that I should do something to help Kory, I have to ask myself a few questions: 1) Will this help or hurt me? 2) Would he do this for me? 3) Can I do this and be as I am at this very moment? In order to proceed, I have to answer in the most beneficial way that I possibly can. If it's going to hurt me, I don't do it. If he wouldn't do this for me, I don't do it. If I can't be as I am at this very moment, it doesn't get done. Be a little selfish, Reid. Think of you first. It's not about whether or not Renell would be more appreciative...it's about whether or not you will take two steps forward or twelve steps back.

Simple, yet complicated. I never told you this - or even journaled it - but Kory called me a couple of Saturdays ago. Yeah. And he left a message! (I know, I know, big deal - but it is a big deal because he never left messages for me.) Anyway, my first impulse was to return the call...but I didn't do it. In his message, he said he'd get back to me. Now, whether that happens or not, it doesn't matter - because I'm the better for this situation. Does that make sense?

Right now, my life is all about me. It's about doing what makes me happiest, and making sure that I'm taken care of every second of every minute of every hour of every day. Because when I go to sleep at night, there's only me; and when I wake up in the morning, there's still just me, so I've got to make sure that I'm happiest - no one else. Now, with you, you've got Ryen to think of. If Renell puts him up as a barganing block, you have some difficult choices to make, but I think you'll do what's best for you and then for Ryen...not Renell.

Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I love you dearly and that you're someone special to me. Even though you are feeling like you're down and have taken several steps back on the road to recovery, I know that you've learned a valuable lesson in all this. Good luck and keep your head up...I'm very proud of you and all you've accomplished - even with this little setback!

TGIF!

Oh, how I love Fridays! Sometimes, in the morning, I'm afraid they'll last forever. Then, I get to doing something and they seem to just fly right on by.

That's how my day was today. I got to work this morning and it just dragged on. Then, I got the boys (Arthur and Jake) to answer some movie question thingy and it was too much fun. Well, even before that, the boys came into the office and we were waiting for our 9 am meeting (which didn't happen). We got to talking about the movie "The 40 Year Old Virgin" and Jake and I are just laughing our asses off! It was too funny to find someone who thought it was just as funny as I did!

Anyway, to make a long story short, the first half of my day was pretty slow (with the exception of the movie discussion and the movie game) and the second half of my day seems to have just flitted away. But, there is no sadness to it because I'm kinda glad that the day is almost over. I get to go home in a half an hour, and I'm looking forward to taking Dora for a walk. We haven't been on a walk in a long time, and I think she would have some fun! So, happy weekend to y'all and have fun!

Christmas Party 2005!

On Wednesday, Davis Rebar employees (and a couple of my friends, Calli and Alan, and Alan's Mom) came to Rob's house for a Christmas party!

We had Famous Dave's Bar-B-Que for dinner, a gift exchange, and lots of Christmas cheer. And yes, Arthur was there! I went home after work to take a nap, shower, and get ready at my leisure. Well, I overslept with my nap, had to rush to get ready, and ended up leaving one of my best buds hanging because there was major miscommunication.

In spite of all that, I had a great time. Jake (this player guy from the office) was there, and I believe it is his personal mission to get me hammered.

For dinner, I sat at the table with Ka`ai, Tim, Jake, and Rob. Later that evening, Cal, Al, and his mom joined us. It was really nice because once he was done with his dinner, Arthur came over to the table and sat with us. Then, when I was done with dinner and the gift exchange and people were starting to leave, I mosied on over to the loveseat and planted my behind down. Startling enough, it was where Arthur and Jake were sitting. I didn't think anything of it until Arthur came to sit down next to me. (Yay!) Jake came back and gave me this sour look, but I showed him that there were more seats to be had, and he sat down on an open seat across from the loveseat where Arthur and I were sitting.

It was cool because we were laughing and having an all around good time. And every once in a while, I would catch him looking my way with this sleepy/dreamy look in his eyes and, "Ahhh...." It was nice. (Okay, you can proceed to roll your eyes and mock me, but as I type all of this, I'm smiling from ear to ear!)

Anyway, I think Calli and Al's mom (Joanne) got a couple of pictures. We'll see what they've got. If they're good, maybe I can share them! So, the night went along, and soon it was about 11 pm. Everyone left after that but me and Cal, Al, and his mom. We left shortly thereafter. Calli was bummed because she wanted to make a move for me on Arthur, but she didn't because she couldn't get him when he was completely by himself.

I'd say the night was a total success, and after that, there's a plan to go out to a bar after work some time next week! I'm truly excited!! Anyway, wish me luck!!!

12 Days Start Today!

So, this is the first of the twelve days of Christmas. Have you done something to pay tribute? I have. Today, I was in the office at 7 am! Why was I here so early? Well, it's because I came in to decorate my office with some Christmas cheer.

I took blue, silver, and white as my thematic colors. My Christmas tree is a little three foot tree (that isn't real). In any case, it's pretty in here. There are even stockings for everyone in Rebar! I'm so happy and feeling in such the Christmas spirit!

Anyway, it's been a great day and I'm super tired, but I thought an update would be good. Happy 12 Days!!!

Friday Update

Well, my Friday is almost over. I've got another hour and a half or so and there really isn't a whole lot for me to do. So, I thought I'd bother with an update.

I'm feeling a little discouraged today regarding my crush on Arthur. I'm thinking that it's going to come to nothing and that's got me a bit bummed. I don't think he thinks of me as I do him. I'm also feeling like I should just give up on it...let it go and fizzle into nothingness. (How dramatic, huh?) Anyway, that's got me kind of down.

I can hang like I'm one of the guys, but that's all that ever comes out of it...friends. I dunno...maybe I'm just doomed to being a lonley old woman who has cats and dogs as her family.

Anyway, enough darkness. I'm still looking forward to shopping tonight. I kind of can't wait to go and pick something out and plan my look and everything. Oh well, we'll see how everything goes tonight. Have a great Friday night!

Randomness

As in previous times, I've been derelict in my duty to blog. There hasn't been very many things going on for me...just the usual stuff. I've been at Rob and Ka`ai's house (two very good friends of mine) helping with getting their baby's room together.

It's so exciting to have a little one on the way. I've been thinking that my biological clock has been ticking, and helping them makes it so that each tick is louder. But, that's okay. I'm fully aware of what my body's saying to me and it's all right. My turn is going to come...eventually, right?

Okay, enough of that stuff. I'm getting super excited about our little work Christmas party that's happening next week. We're supposed to bring a gift so that we can exchange and what not, and I've only told one person what it is that I'm bringing. He thinks it's cool, but he also thinks that I shouldn't go over the $15 gift cap. Oh well. I told him that I wanted everyone to want my gift...after all, my shit is tight...why wouldn't they want it?

Nah, I'm just playing. Anyway, that's what's been going on. I get to go shopping tonight. The top that I was going to wear to the party got ruined...Dora got at it and proved, once again, that she is a destructo-dog every now and again. So, I'm going to get my little gift for the party, a nice little outfit because I need to feel like I look my best when Arthur sees me outside of work, and I'm going to get some decorations for the office.

Well, that's it for now...wish me luck!

Spilled The Beans...

Alright. Here's the deal. I've been crushing on Arthur for a while now, and the only people who know are great friends. I decided to change all that today. Before I took my little half an hour lunch, I spilled the beans to my co-worker and office mate, Jeanean. She thinks it's a great little match and that she's noticed that Arthur comes down to the office to visit quite often.

Anyway, she's all for it, and I just have to say that I'm thrilled! She's got all these plans working out in her head as to how to get the two of us together. Plus, and this is the best part, she's promised not to say anything to anyone about my little crush - which is now turning into something more, I think.

But, that's what I wanted to say. Also, that I have amazing people in my life. Yeah, there are those downers that just, well, bring you down, but then there are the people who, when you talk to them or think of them, just make the world feel so much better. Do you have people like that in your life? If you do, then I'm so thankful that you have what I think is a great gift. If you don't, no worries; I'm sure there is someone out there who can help to brighten the days when they get a little cloudy. So, to all the brighteners of days, thanks for being there for me!

Second Day Of The Week

So, Monday is come and gone, and I'm left with a frigid Tuesday morning. It was so hard to get out of my nice and warm bed this morning to walk around in the cold of my apartment. It's days, weeks, and months of extreme temperatures that make me miss home the most.

Anyway, I got a comment from Reid last night, and yes, Reid, you're right again. This is my issue, though: While I can deal with the rejection, it's the aftermath that troubles me. I work with this guy, and I would hate, absolutely hate, that there would be any kind of uncomfort for either of us - but especially me. Right now, the relationship is great...We're friends, we talk, we get along really well. We laugh a lot and joke a lot and it's all around goodness. I don't want to lose that by saying something that could spoil all the good fun. You know what I mean?

I dunno...maybe I'm just being silly, but that's how I'm feeling. I like that I'm crushing on him...I like the way that it makes me feel to see him or think of seeing him. I get all excited and giddy, and it's absolutely ridiculous, but it's fun.

I talked to my mom about it last night, and she's more embarrassed that her daughter hasn't yet taken the initiative and, as she says, "rushed him." But she understands that I'm having fun with it...that I'm liking the way it's making me feel. I'm just so afraid to loose all that, you know?

Anyway, enough of that. Reid, the beer, you'd be disappointed to know, is nothing so special as Guinness or Red Stripe. Sorry to bum you out further. Anyway, that's all I've got for now. Until next time!

Updates (This one should have come before the other one)

Okay, so I forgot some things that I wanted to mention before...sue me!

Last week Thursday, I got to ride in the hot truck with Arthur. Did I mention that he has a hot truck? It's Dodge Ram 2500, Diesel engine truck...very hot, indeed! Anyway, Bob and his wife rode in their car that was filled in the back, so Arthur and I rode in his truck, and it was great.

Then, on Friday, Arthur, Bob, our boss, and I went out to lunch. I got to play with Arthur's newest little one (another little boy German Shepherd) and we bonded (sortof). He followed me wherever I went and even helped me to start the car. Also, I gave him treats. You know what they say, the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. (If the saying doesn't work for men, it surely works for dogs!)

Then, on Saturday (yes, the same day as the party) my baby, Dora, came into season! I can't believe that my baby isn't a baby anymore! I'm so excited! I was so sad that I had missed her first heat that I just got to the point of accepting that I had missed it. But, this is her first heat, and I'm here for it, and I'm such a proud mom...it's strange, I know, but I'm proud. I even called family at home to tell them the good news!

Okay, those are the things that I forgot to include on the other entry. But I believe that's it for now!

Another Monday

So, it's back to the grind this morning, and yet, it's not so bad really. I think today will be a slow day for me. My co-worker is leaving at half day for a test that she's really nervous about. Good luck, Jeanean! I know you'll be great and fabulous! (It's a pretty tough test and she's working really hard so that she only has to take it once!)

I got to see "the man" this morning. It was brief, but, as always, wonderful. I just like to hear him speak and watch him speak, and it's great.

I got to work early this morning - again - so that I could get a head start on stuff (and in hopes of being able to catch a quick glimpse) and it appears that this will be an unusually slow Monday for me.

I did have a fabulous weekend, though. On Saturday, two of my very great friends got engaged. CONGRATULATIONS!!! And there was a great party (1/2 birthday party for him and 1/2 surprise engagement party for her) on Saturday to celebrate so very many things. It was awesome! And, I finally found a beer that I like! I met this really crazy lady named Becky, and she, Jenn, and I hit it off and were the divas of the party! We had so much fun that I'm losing my voice. (Which might not be such a bad thing when it comes to talking to Arthur.)

Anyway, I was called a chicken shit several times this weekend and was told to just "ball up" and ask him to hang out and stuff like that. I can't do stuff like that! It's crazy! (Not only is it crazy, I'd be opening up myself to rejection, and I really don't think that I could take that...not now - hell, not ever!) I know it sounds really stupid, but I was burned so badly by Kory, and I'm really enjoying this crush of mine. And the more I think about it, the more real it becomes.

Anyway, that's all for now. I know it's really not as coherent as usual, but it's one of those days. Write me back and lemme know what you're thinking! Me :)

Baby Fever

So, I found out yesterday that there is yet another person at my work place that is expecting! Can you imagine what that's like? I mean, I've played with babies and I've had little ones around me for a while, but I've never had baby fever as I do now.

It's been going on for about eight months now, but I feel this deep-rooted desire to have little ones around me all the time. I thought I could asuage the feeling by getting another pet, but it hasn't worked out quite like that. While I love my baby, Dora, it's just not the same. And while I understand the practicality (or lack thereof) of having a baby, that doesn't lessen the desire.

Two of my best friends are expecting their first baby in January, and I am so jealous! I want to scream and shout, "When's it my turn!?" This is where anger comes into the picture. Why did Kory have to go and ruin my carefully laid plans? I mean, I thought I would be on my way to engagement if not marriage and the prospects of having a family shortly thereafter. I'm not a spring chicken anymore and I'm feeling like I'm getting older and older as each wasted moment passes me by.

And while there is progress in my growth from the time of my breakup till now, I'm still single. And being single, while it is liberating, is still a pretty lonely place to be.

On the bright side, my crush on Arthur has put me into somewhat better spirits...even while it's only a one-sided crush and my singleton status remains constant. I did share with another friend, though, the secret of my crush. I'm praying and hoping that I haven't put misplaced trust in her hands. I'd hate to get burned again.

Anyway, enough darkness for now. Reid, thanks for linking me. You'll have to tell me how to do it so that we can link each other. Or, maybe you could do it for me since I wouldn't have the slightest clue as to how to do it? And it looks like you're doing much better - from this point of view, anyway. I'm glad that you went to Kamehameha's Thanksgiving Tournament. I'm also glad to see that progress, while slow and steady, is catching up to you. And, please, stop thinking that there is so much hate out there for you - instead, just visit with me and you'll remember how much love there is for you - even if it is from only one person that will profess and proclaim it. :)