Response For Reid
Okay, my greatest of friends, here goes:
First - you have to learn to differentiate between loving her and being in love with her. Of course there's love there. She's been part of your life for how many years? Do I love Kory any less because of what I've been through or who he's become? No, not really. Can that person be a part of my life now that I've decided that I need to change? No, not really. I will always love Kory for who he was and what we've shared, but that time has come and gone, and I am worth so much more! It's simple, and it's complicated, but the truth of it all is this: it's going to suck for a while to come and the more you let her come back to you, the longer it will suck. I've got it easy: I don't have a Ryen. You two, for the sake of your son, have to be amicable, but that doesn't mean that she should ask you to help her find the closure that you were working so hard to achieve! God, I could wring her neck and watch her squirm for the pain she's causing you!
Second: Don't worry about focusing on the bad so much. It's normal to focus on the bad when that's at the front of your mind. I think that I focus on the good because the bad can be so overwhelming, and I don't want to face it all at once...so I have to break it up with this and that - just to bring some balance.
Reid, you're a great person. Don't let this messed up thing that is your and Renell's relationship ruin what you might truly believe a relationship can be. I know that love isn't perfect. I know that you're bound to hurt now more than before, but I also know that you are a great individual. After all, I don't think our friendship would have endured all the years and break-ups if you weren't steady and strong. Yeah, life can get down on you, and yeah, shit happens, but you're better than all those things that come at you because you can survive them.
And just for good measure: always defer to the Golden Rule: Treat others as you would like to be treated. What's good for the gander is good for the goose, you know what I mean? If she couldn't do for you, then there's no reason in the world that you should be asked to take steps back in order to help her out. Yeah, helping people is great, but you're no use to anyone if you're not around...get what I mean?
Everytime I think that I should do something to help Kory, I have to ask myself a few questions: 1) Will this help or hurt me? 2) Would he do this for me? 3) Can I do this and be as I am at this very moment? In order to proceed, I have to answer in the most beneficial way that I possibly can. If it's going to hurt me, I don't do it. If he wouldn't do this for me, I don't do it. If I can't be as I am at this very moment, it doesn't get done. Be a little selfish, Reid. Think of you first. It's not about whether or not Renell would be more appreciative...it's about whether or not you will take two steps forward or twelve steps back.
Simple, yet complicated. I never told you this - or even journaled it - but Kory called me a couple of Saturdays ago. Yeah. And he left a message! (I know, I know, big deal - but it is a big deal because he never left messages for me.) Anyway, my first impulse was to return the call...but I didn't do it. In his message, he said he'd get back to me. Now, whether that happens or not, it doesn't matter - because I'm the better for this situation. Does that make sense?
Right now, my life is all about me. It's about doing what makes me happiest, and making sure that I'm taken care of every second of every minute of every hour of every day. Because when I go to sleep at night, there's only me; and when I wake up in the morning, there's still just me, so I've got to make sure that I'm happiest - no one else. Now, with you, you've got Ryen to think of. If Renell puts him up as a barganing block, you have some difficult choices to make, but I think you'll do what's best for you and then for Ryen...not Renell.
Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I love you dearly and that you're someone special to me. Even though you are feeling like you're down and have taken several steps back on the road to recovery, I know that you've learned a valuable lesson in all this. Good luck and keep your head up...I'm very proud of you and all you've accomplished - even with this little setback!
First - you have to learn to differentiate between loving her and being in love with her. Of course there's love there. She's been part of your life for how many years? Do I love Kory any less because of what I've been through or who he's become? No, not really. Can that person be a part of my life now that I've decided that I need to change? No, not really. I will always love Kory for who he was and what we've shared, but that time has come and gone, and I am worth so much more! It's simple, and it's complicated, but the truth of it all is this: it's going to suck for a while to come and the more you let her come back to you, the longer it will suck. I've got it easy: I don't have a Ryen. You two, for the sake of your son, have to be amicable, but that doesn't mean that she should ask you to help her find the closure that you were working so hard to achieve! God, I could wring her neck and watch her squirm for the pain she's causing you!
Second: Don't worry about focusing on the bad so much. It's normal to focus on the bad when that's at the front of your mind. I think that I focus on the good because the bad can be so overwhelming, and I don't want to face it all at once...so I have to break it up with this and that - just to bring some balance.
Reid, you're a great person. Don't let this messed up thing that is your and Renell's relationship ruin what you might truly believe a relationship can be. I know that love isn't perfect. I know that you're bound to hurt now more than before, but I also know that you are a great individual. After all, I don't think our friendship would have endured all the years and break-ups if you weren't steady and strong. Yeah, life can get down on you, and yeah, shit happens, but you're better than all those things that come at you because you can survive them.
And just for good measure: always defer to the Golden Rule: Treat others as you would like to be treated. What's good for the gander is good for the goose, you know what I mean? If she couldn't do for you, then there's no reason in the world that you should be asked to take steps back in order to help her out. Yeah, helping people is great, but you're no use to anyone if you're not around...get what I mean?
Everytime I think that I should do something to help Kory, I have to ask myself a few questions: 1) Will this help or hurt me? 2) Would he do this for me? 3) Can I do this and be as I am at this very moment? In order to proceed, I have to answer in the most beneficial way that I possibly can. If it's going to hurt me, I don't do it. If he wouldn't do this for me, I don't do it. If I can't be as I am at this very moment, it doesn't get done. Be a little selfish, Reid. Think of you first. It's not about whether or not Renell would be more appreciative...it's about whether or not you will take two steps forward or twelve steps back.
Simple, yet complicated. I never told you this - or even journaled it - but Kory called me a couple of Saturdays ago. Yeah. And he left a message! (I know, I know, big deal - but it is a big deal because he never left messages for me.) Anyway, my first impulse was to return the call...but I didn't do it. In his message, he said he'd get back to me. Now, whether that happens or not, it doesn't matter - because I'm the better for this situation. Does that make sense?
Right now, my life is all about me. It's about doing what makes me happiest, and making sure that I'm taken care of every second of every minute of every hour of every day. Because when I go to sleep at night, there's only me; and when I wake up in the morning, there's still just me, so I've got to make sure that I'm happiest - no one else. Now, with you, you've got Ryen to think of. If Renell puts him up as a barganing block, you have some difficult choices to make, but I think you'll do what's best for you and then for Ryen...not Renell.
Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I love you dearly and that you're someone special to me. Even though you are feeling like you're down and have taken several steps back on the road to recovery, I know that you've learned a valuable lesson in all this. Good luck and keep your head up...I'm very proud of you and all you've accomplished - even with this little setback!
posted by makagirl | 2:33 PM
1 Comments:
Thank you.
Seriously, I know that things will get better. At the moment it's the differene between seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and being there.
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