It's Friday!!!

Oh yes! It's that time again, but it's not just any Friday. So, what makes this Friday any more special than the ones before and the many to follow? Today's my birthday!

The plan: to go to Brownie's - a bar and grill - throw back a few and get "toe up from the flo' up!" No, I'm just kidding. I'm not sure if I want to party that hard, but I know that I have to have a couple in celebration of my turning a quarter of a century!

The original plan was to go out after work with co-workers, Arthur, and friends, but Arthur had to go away to take care of a job that we have on the other side of the continent. :( That's okay, though, because I'm hoping that everyone comes out next weekend - to Jenn's birthday - and have a great time next weekend, too!

That's pretty much the highlight of the weekend. Jake's birthday party is on Saturday night, and after Scrapmania, I think I'll stop by and what not. (Just to pop in and say "hullo") Sunday is all about dog training and that good stuff. I'm also trying to get a few loads of laundry done this weekend - so we'll see how that goes. I've got a lot because I'm not a big fan of doing laundry every weekend - plus, I figured, since Roger's out of town, I can use his machines for the price of free 99. (Since I have to be there to take care of his animals anyway.)

Other than that, a pretty boring weekend with shots of fun throughout. Wish me luck and a happy birthday!

Over The Weekend

Last Friday, I went and saw Underworld: Evolution. If you're into vampires, werewolves, Kate Beckinsale or Scott Speedman, I'd say check this bad boy out! It's hot, there's gore, and a surprisingly entertaining plot. I give it two thumbs way up.

Before going to the movies with Jenn and Jadee, I stopped to pick Jadee up from her house and Roger and some girls from Walgreens came over to visit Ka`ai and the baby. (And Rob, too, I'm sure.) Anyway, would you believe that Roger was hitting on me? Damn, that's nasty. Anyway, I told Jadee what he was saying/did, and she said, "Well, you know what they say...Like father, like son." Eew, gross.

On Saturday, I did absolutely nothing until Jadee called and we headed out to Archiver's - a scrapbooking store in West Omaha. We went there with the purpose of working on some projects, and ended up staying till about 11PM because of Scrapmania - where they close down the workshop and stay open later for people who pay $15 for food and the use of the workshop with door prizes and demos. It's really fun if you're into that kind of thing. (I am.)

Sunday was dog training, lunch at Panera, and dinner with Rob, Ka`ai, Jadee, and Ka`ai's mom, Aunty Stephanie.

So, a pretty mundane weekend, but I got to spend some of my money, so that's always a good thing.

Randomness...

In response to Reid's latest comment: Change, I think, is an awesome thing. And while you're not usually too impressed with it when it happens, the benefits that are reaped once you realize that the change has occured and there really isn't anything you can do about it but roll with it are of so much more consequence than if you were without it. If you asked me nine months ago how I was feeling about my changed relationship status, I would have said that it sucked and I didn't like it. But, nine months ago, I wasn't aware that I was heading down a road that would lead me here - to this place in my life - where I am most important. In all honesty, I had forgotten what it was like to be me. I got lost in the first relationship of my life and, along the way, forgot who I was and what made me happiest.

So, while change is the enemy in the beginning, I believe that it, ultimately, leads to good things. So, Reid, yes...change is funny - or rather, our perception of change is funny. And while we don't laugh in the beginning, I can assure you that there is no other purpose but to laugh at the end. After all, it's not really the destination, right? So, while you're still in the mix - that bad place where it doesn't seem like there's a light at the end of the tunnel, I promise that you'll find it, and the light will be so bright that it will obliterate the shadows.

When I was in that place, I used to repeat a thought to myself..."When will it be my turn? How long do I have to wait? Is it meant for me?" Seriously... As I sit here and type away, I keep thinking: "God, that seems so pathetic!" But, it's true. The only response I ever heard was: "Shut up already. Wake up tomorrow, and get ready for work, and quit your whining! Nothing ever happend to anyone who just waited for things to get better." Yeah, my inner voice was kind of mean. Anyway, the point is not that I talk to myself or that I tell myself to quit crying...the point is that each day is a step in the right direction as long as you're stepping toward the goal of being better. I've been stepping for nearly nine months now, and it's taken me so long to drop the notion that Kory is the last man that I'll ever love.

And the possibility that there is someone out there for me is exciting and alluring. It's a reason that getting up in the morning is not as hard today as it was nine months ago. The other day, a friend of mine said, "All these people that I know - who aren't nearly as pretty as I think I am - are getting engaged or are in serious relationships. If they can do it, what the hell is wrong with me???" I said to her, "No - don't look at it that way. Be glad for them! They've found someone who loves them and thinks that they are totally special. Yeah, they can do it! Don't think that there's something wrong with you because you aren't there yet. You really have to think of it this way: If they can find someone who loves them that much, then there's got to be someone out there who will think of me in that same way!" While the concept didn't quite hit her till a bit later, she understood that there has to be someone out there...and if not, you've still got yourself - you know what I mean?

I'm not trying to be arrogant or conceited, but I am saying that, there's someone for everyone...at least, that's what I hope for. You see, I'm not pretty or skinny or any of the conventional things that would make a female desireable, but I'm a good person who loves deeply and wants the best that the world has to offer...and that's enough for me (right now).

So, even if I spend the rest of my life alone, I'm still glad that I've experienced this change, and I can honestly say that, no matter what, change is good.

Fucking Assholes!

I forgot to mention something in the last entry. I AM NOW A FREE WOMAN (who has the closure that she’s been seeking for so long.) The ex was supposed to come down last week Saturday to pick up the rest of his stuff from my apartment. (Okay, we’ll recap.)

I’ve been broken up with him since last April but was his friend with benefit till July. We got into a huge blow out in July because I was moving, he was supposed to help, hurt himself on the job but still wanted to come to my apartment (can you guess for what?) When I told him not to, he wanted to know why, and I said it was because I wanted to move. What was he going to do? Watch me move stuff and pack stuff? No. So, huge blow out, didn’t talk for months. December rolls around, he said he’d maybe have a chance to come get his stuff, but maybe not. So, just let it roll of my back, right? Fine. January hits the calendar, and I call him to say, “When can you come and get your stuff?” - thinking that I’ve been holding on to it since July, right? (I even packed it up from my old apartment, moved to my new apartment and still had the shit in my house.) So, last week Monday he says, “Oh, I can get it this Saturday. I’ll be there at noon.” Okay. Fine. Wednesday rolls around and I get another phone call and message: “I have to push back the time till about 5pm. I have this church thing that I want to be part of.” Okay, fine…the plan is that he’s still coming down to get his crap and I’ll still get the closure I want so badly. Friday night at 6pm, he calls to say that he’s canceling the entire thing. So I call back and leave a message: Call me. We have to talk.

He calls me back when I’m at Rob and Ka`ai’s so I’m not going to talk to him when I’m with them. So I don’t pick up. He calls again, when it’s about 11pm and I’m just getting home. He says, “What’s up?” I say, “You tell me.” He says, “You said to give you a call.” I say, “Yeah, why are you canceling?” Thinking that, maybe, he’s got to work or some bullshit like that. He says, “My friends are having a birthday party on Saturday and I gave them my word that I’d be there.” WHAT? YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!! So I say, “Oh, you said you’d be there when you already told me that you were going to be here?” Sorry, did I just wake up in a parallel universe where you can be in two places at once? Yeah. I didn’t think so. So, we get into a fight where his biggest argument is that he told me that there would be a slight possibility that he would have to change his plans. Excuse me, but the last time I checked, changing plans didn’t mean canceling altogether, but, whatever – that’s fine. So, he asked if he could come next week (which is this Saturday) and I said no because I already have plans. He asked for the Saturday after that, and I said no because it’s my birthday weekend and I really didn’t want to deal with his shit during my birthday weekend. He asked for the Saturday after that, and I said it was Jenn’s birthday (and the Super Bowl) and I would be driving her around as she gets hammered and stuff. The following weekend is Rob’s birthday, the weekend after that is Kaitlin’s birthday, the weekend after that is Arthur’s birthday, and the weekend after that is J.T.’s birthday. So, I’ve got shit to do. Well, then he asked for Martin Luther King Jr. day, and I work, and he asked for Wednesday (yesterday), and I work – so it really wasn’t going to work that he get his way about when he could come and get his stuff. So, then he had the nerve to ask about that night. Yeah, at 11:30 at night, he wanted to leave Ames, Iowa and drive down to Omaha where he expected me to either be awake or be allowed to wake me up from sleeping so he could get his stuff. I said two things: HELL NO. Then he asked for Saturday night – late. I said I had plans. So, he says, “I’m only asking you for two minutes of your time.” I said, “Look, Kory, I would have given you an entire afternoon, but you want to change the plan.” He said, “How can you have plans and be willing to have given me an entire afternoon.” To which I replied, “When you called to cancel, you don’t really think that I waited for you to change your mind, did you? I’m not waiting at home for you, I called my friends up and we made plans for tomorrow night.” He said, “Well, will you be home later tomorrow night?” I said, “No. I don’t even know if I’m coming home tomorrow night.”


He said that he was trying to make it work out and that I was being difficult, and I said that he wasn’t. I asked him how much he wanted his stuff and I asked him how long it had been since we had broken up. He said that I’d never complained about his stuff being at my place before. And he’s right. I hadn’t. But the point is: don’t say you’re going to do something and then, when it’s not convenient for you, change the plan. I said to him, “Look, we had plans. You need to change them, and that’s fine, but this is the consequence of changing your part of the deal.” So, he’s all pissed off at me by now and starts to talk to me like I’m a kid, so I say, “Do you realize how you’re talking to me? What makes you think that you can talk to me like that? I’ve been doing you a favor by holding on to you crap and not chucking it – which – I should have done when I moved. The last time I checked, it didn’t say STORE-ALL at the entrance to my apartment building. And if it did say that, I’d charge your ass for storage space.” He said, “Can you just do me one more favor?” I said, “Kory – are you serious?” He said, “Fine. You know what? Just throw it all away.” I said, “Fine. Only, I wish you would have said that from the beginning – like when I moved – so that I wouldn’t have packed the shit up and moved it with me. I could have started the New Year the way I wanted to, and you wouldn’t have had to deal with the trouble of inconveniencing yourself with getting your shit.”

Can you believe the nerve of him? You know, I always thought that I would be able to be mature enough at the end of a relationship and the parting would be amicable. But with him, man, I never thought I’d be glad to say that I’m glad I don’t have to deal with that anymore. I always thought that there would be some part of me that thought of him in the best of ways. But, now I see so much that I missed these last seven years. It’s sad to think that I’ve changed and grown from this experience and that he’s still this little boy who hasn’t grown at all.

When I told Rob and Ka`ai about this, Rob said, "See...it was never about getting his stuff from you. It was about seeing how you live and where you live and wanting to know if he could come down here and tap it." While the thought is revolting, I know that Rob's right. That's all it was about for him. Well, no chance of rekindling anything with me...that's for damn sure.

Anyway, that’s the other thing that happened in the last two weeks since I blogged. Let me know what you think? I’m eager to see what kind of changes I’ve made since the beginning of my blogging, and I think that this is one of them!

It's Been A While...Let's Catch Up!

Wow, so the last time I posted was on the 5th of January! Sorry for the tardiness of my next entry. So, let's catch up already.

Nothing amazing has been happening on the love-life front. I'm still very infatuated with Arthur - from afar; of course, only now, I've found out Rob and Ka`ai, who I haven't told about my crush, have sneaking suspicions that I might like Arthur or Jake…Ka`ai says that she has a sense for these kinds of things and that she can totally see me with Arthur and not Jake. (This puts me at ease that she can see that, but I’m still a bit uncomfortable about them being on to me.) So, I have to ask, Am I that transparent? God, I hope not.

Oh, and a funny story: last Wednesday, January 11th, my boss’ son made a pass at me. (I know, funny, funny, funny) Anyway, I probably would have taken him a bit more seriously if he were about my age – even if he were a year or two younger – but I think I’d have to draw the line when the boy (and he is a boy) is the same age as my kid brother! Yeah, he’s only 17. I don’t think he realized that I would be turning 25 in a week or so, so I pointed that out to him. His reply? He didn’t really care…didn’t think it was important. I just laughed it off – for about five minutes – remembered he was still standing there and apologized for laughing so hard. I told my brother about it and he said that I was mean for laughing like that. I’d just like to know: What was I supposed to do? I’ve decided that there’s really nothing that I could have done besides brush it off and laugh at it. (Even though I did laugh for a long time.) Anyway, things were fine after that. I went home and saw him the next day. It was good that neither of us mentioned the previous night. He did make a confession on Friday though. He said that “…when it’s been a while, he starts to ‘look’ at ‘older’ women.” To which I replied, “Oh, so that’s why you hit on me the other day!” We both laughed that off. Since Friday had come and gone and there was no sign of more passes coming my way, I thought nothing of it…almost forgot about it, actually. Then, Monday came, and I was back at my boss’ house, taking care of his dogs while he was out of town. And, lo and behold, he tries again. This time, a little more than the last time. He even told me that my hair smelled good. Persistent little fucker. I did the only thing I could do…laughed and left. Yes, I’ve seen him since, and no, we haven’t talked about it at all. It’s as though it hadn’t even happened. (Thank God.)

Let’s see…what else. Oh yes! My birthday is coming up next Friday, and we’re all going out after work. We’re going to another bar called Brownies and Jenn and Jadee have agreed to come out and take care of me. Since everyone knows that I didn’t really have a 21st birthday party – the way most 21-year olds celebrate it – they’ve decided that my 25th will be what my 21st should have been. In all honesty, I’m terrified beyond belief! I almost don’t want to go at all…I’m scared I’ll say something stupid, do something stupid, or palu (vomit). And God, I really don’t want to do that.

Hmm…Oh yeah! I’ve been offered a job in another one of the four companies that work together to create Ridgetop Holdings, Inc. (Rebar is just one of the four.) I would get an increase in pay and my own office. The only catch is that I would be leaving Rebar for Crane Rental and Rigging or Crane Sales and Services. The move is good for me – professionally – but I really like the people that I work with. It’s going to be a tough decision, but it’s not like I wouldn’t be seeing them – it’s just that I wouldn’t be seeing as much of them…Especially Arthur. But, I think I’m going to do it. Like I said, it’s a good move financially and professionally, and nothing will really change by my location and an addition of a few responsibilities. I will, though, lose the personal aspect of the job (where I work for Roger doing things like his bills and his dogs) which is not such a bad thing.

Anyway, that’s about it for now. I promise to try harder to blog more frequently – so that there isn’t some huge blog that takes up so much time. Oh! Starting this weekend, I’ve got plans for every weekend through the first weekend of March! Amazing, isn’t it? Anyway, I’ll blog a little later…especially if there’s something that I’ve forgotten in this entry. :)

Disappointment

Okay, so I'm very young in my understanding and enjoyment of football. I never really understood much about the game until recently, and I have discovered that I actually like it. I'm not seasoned enough where I can discuss the topic with any kind of knowledge or conviction, but I do enjoy the sport more than I have in the past.

Knowing this, is it any wonder that I would have watched the Rose Bowl last night? Well, I did, and I have to say that, while I live in the Mid-West and occasionally support the Big 12, I was rooting for the Trojans to take it all home last night. You see, I've got two cousins who are USC alums and so was supporting the team. Not to mention that I have, in my new found interest in the sport, learned that USC (in this past season) was a force to be reckoned with. So, I hoped.

Nearing the end of the fourth quarter - with only nine minutes remaining - I had hoped and hoped that they could hold on to their lead. Unfortunately, they couldn't and the defense lost it for them all. Oh well.

I suppose that it's not such a big loss, but with my hopes torn asunder, I suppose I can only look forward to next season. In any event, that's how my evening was spent - that and talking to my two sisters. (Actually, my sister and my cousin who might as well be a sister, too.) So, to them, I apologize for dividing my attention between our discussion and the game. I will endeavor to be a better listener and devote my attention to one thing at a time. :)

Updates and Revelations

Okay, so it's Wednesday and I've been avoiding the blog for a bit. I apologize. So, how was the New Year celebrations? In a word? Non-existant. Yep, that's right. I had a quiet night at home with Dora and Colby-Jack, and it was peaceful and relaxing. I spent some time on the phone with my family in Hawai`i and in California, was ambushed on the phone by, what everyone would deem a wicked wicked aunt, and read a lot.

My plans were to go out with my friend, Jenn, but her friend, Christi from Grand Island, NE, gave her a call and rather than keep Jenn in Omaha (which is what I would have liked), I told her that she should go and hang out with her friend who she hadn't seen in forever. No, no hard feelings because I did have an enjoyably quiet evening. I was looking forward to a night of debauchery, instead, I had a nice night where I didn’t have to dress up, do my hair or makeup, and I could just sit and relax with my babies.

Sunday wasn’t a big to do either. Dora and I met Rob and Elaine and trained for about a half an hour – just working on her obedience and new commands. I’m hoping that she’ll know how to fuss (pronounced foos – it’s a command for heel) properly by the time I take her home to Hawai`i. Again, very easy going and no stress whatsoever.

Monday was similar. I had a killer headache so we didn’t do too much, but we did go to train for a bit. I think she just likes to get out of the apartment and run around – because we did a lot of that, too. Then, after dinner on Monday, (shock of shocks) Kory called me! He wanted to know when he could come and get his stuff. I was so thrilled! I was seriously starting to wonder if he was going to come to get his crap! During the phone conversation, he says, “This is really nice – this talking to you and stuff.” So, I say, “Yeah, well…” And (here’s where the revelation comes into the picture) this is what I’ve discovered: I’m over him. It will be nice to see him, but I’m over him. Because as I was sitting there watching Dog The Bounty Hunter and talking to Kory, I realized that I really was still thinking about Arthur. It wasn’t a conscious effort thing where I had to bring his image in my mind…it was just there.

This discovery has led me to another: I really truly like Arthur. Every time I see him, I get these little butterflies in my tummy. A look, a glance, a gesture…it doesn’t take much. And I don’t think it’s rebound crap or that I’m clinging to someone to like because, for a long while, I denied any kind of emotion that was other than just being friends. Now, though, I am totally liking him!

Jeanean says that we need to plan another outing so that we can possibly get to be more than just co-workers. Anyway, it’s a sound plan and I’m up for just about anything. Anyway, that’s the update and revelation(s). Isn’t it interesting that things work themselves out that way?