Randomness...

In response to Reid's latest comment: Change, I think, is an awesome thing. And while you're not usually too impressed with it when it happens, the benefits that are reaped once you realize that the change has occured and there really isn't anything you can do about it but roll with it are of so much more consequence than if you were without it. If you asked me nine months ago how I was feeling about my changed relationship status, I would have said that it sucked and I didn't like it. But, nine months ago, I wasn't aware that I was heading down a road that would lead me here - to this place in my life - where I am most important. In all honesty, I had forgotten what it was like to be me. I got lost in the first relationship of my life and, along the way, forgot who I was and what made me happiest.

So, while change is the enemy in the beginning, I believe that it, ultimately, leads to good things. So, Reid, yes...change is funny - or rather, our perception of change is funny. And while we don't laugh in the beginning, I can assure you that there is no other purpose but to laugh at the end. After all, it's not really the destination, right? So, while you're still in the mix - that bad place where it doesn't seem like there's a light at the end of the tunnel, I promise that you'll find it, and the light will be so bright that it will obliterate the shadows.

When I was in that place, I used to repeat a thought to myself..."When will it be my turn? How long do I have to wait? Is it meant for me?" Seriously... As I sit here and type away, I keep thinking: "God, that seems so pathetic!" But, it's true. The only response I ever heard was: "Shut up already. Wake up tomorrow, and get ready for work, and quit your whining! Nothing ever happend to anyone who just waited for things to get better." Yeah, my inner voice was kind of mean. Anyway, the point is not that I talk to myself or that I tell myself to quit crying...the point is that each day is a step in the right direction as long as you're stepping toward the goal of being better. I've been stepping for nearly nine months now, and it's taken me so long to drop the notion that Kory is the last man that I'll ever love.

And the possibility that there is someone out there for me is exciting and alluring. It's a reason that getting up in the morning is not as hard today as it was nine months ago. The other day, a friend of mine said, "All these people that I know - who aren't nearly as pretty as I think I am - are getting engaged or are in serious relationships. If they can do it, what the hell is wrong with me???" I said to her, "No - don't look at it that way. Be glad for them! They've found someone who loves them and thinks that they are totally special. Yeah, they can do it! Don't think that there's something wrong with you because you aren't there yet. You really have to think of it this way: If they can find someone who loves them that much, then there's got to be someone out there who will think of me in that same way!" While the concept didn't quite hit her till a bit later, she understood that there has to be someone out there...and if not, you've still got yourself - you know what I mean?

I'm not trying to be arrogant or conceited, but I am saying that, there's someone for everyone...at least, that's what I hope for. You see, I'm not pretty or skinny or any of the conventional things that would make a female desireable, but I'm a good person who loves deeply and wants the best that the world has to offer...and that's enough for me (right now).

So, even if I spend the rest of my life alone, I'm still glad that I've experienced this change, and I can honestly say that, no matter what, change is good.